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It does not feel good, but it does feel very urgent, very important, and very stressful.When you’re fixated on someone, it feels more like you’re suffocating. like you must have them treat you a certain way, give you a certain relationship title, or somehow prove their commitment to you.
A relationship is not a possession, like a stone or a purse or a car. A relationship is simply the interaction you’re having with that person as it’s happening and the general, overall tone of your interactions. Society doesn’t see relationships this way, for the most part. Relationships are living and experienced in-the-moment, like music. If it’s sitting on your MP3 player and you’re not playing it, then it is simply data.
You feel like until you have this, you are not OK and will not be OK.
When you’re fixated on someone, your relationship ceases to be about enjoyment and effortlessness.
In general, though, compatible people have very little, if any, fixation in their relationships…
People who have good relationships observe how they themselves feel in a relationship with another person (whether it’s a lover, a friend or a co-worker).
It’s usually based on an obsession, or idealization, more than a genuine appreciation and acceptance of who the other person is. Well, when you love someone, it is pretty effortless.